Backlash to data centers could cost GOP a Senate seat in Ohio, Republicans warn

Senate Republicans are sounding the alarm on data centers — and warning that backlash to the divisive topic could hurt GOP chances of defending Sen. John Husted’s seat in November.

I shouldn’t have to do all the work, but Republicans seem stumped by data centers.  Here’s how you do it.

Stop calling them ‘data centers’.   Nobody knows if ‘data’ is singular or plural, and nobody wants their data to be there.  It sounds sinister.  Nothing desirable comes from a center.  We had shopping centers, then malls, and now we go to Amazon.  Get with the times.

Instead of data centers, call them ‘cloud storage’.  Everybody has heard the term, but don’t know what it means.  We talk about cloud storage, but it would feel more tangible if we knew where that place was.

If the PR eggheads are really sassy, change the term from data centers to cloud banks.

People are worried about rising rates for electricity because the data centers use so much.  Pre-approve a couple of designs of compact nuclear reactors.  A data center could make it’s own electricity and sell the excess back to the power company.  In a power outage, residents are invited to swing by to charge their cell phones or electric cars for free.

Nobody wants to live next to a data center because they are loud and ugly.  Announce that Burke Lakefront Airport is being closed and converted to a large data center. When everyone gets mad, pretend to consider their complaints about closing the regional airport, and offer to put the data centers in the schools that are being closed in the Cleveland School District.

People who live next to Colllnwood High School aren’t going to complain about some cooling fan noise, when they are used to having an open-air drug market next door.