Look at Sparky hiding his shame behind those big, adorably floppy ears.

He doesn’t even care that his nose is stuck in a jar of Nutella.

I told Sparky that Nutella might be bad for dogs.

Sparky told the TV to fuck off, and mind it’s own business.  I don’t know why he was yelling at the TV.

When he slowed down to catch his breath and collect his wits, I read him what Google said about dogs and Nutella.

Even though Nutella has a relatively low cocoa content (around 7%), the risk of toxicity depends on your dog’s size, age, and the amount consumed.  In addition to chocolate, Nutella is high in sugar and fat, which can cause digestive upset, vomiting, diarrhea, obesity, and pancreatitis if consumed in significant amounts.

Sparky pointed out that the last time we talked about his diet, he had a dead bird in his mouth that was barely bones and feathers and had been laying in the grass for two days.  He didn’t think that Nutella was going to bring him down.

Then, Sparky started making out with the jar like a sailor on shore leave.

I told Sparky that he looked like that fat German kid on The Simpsons.

That was too much.  Sparky put the Nutella down, and went to his safe space.  He might have been crying.

I felt terrible. 

I assured him that I only gave him the jar after I had worn out my own tongue trying to get at the Nutella.  That’s an exaggeration, but there was less than a half-teaspoon left in the jar. 

I also told Sparky that they always bitch about the evils of sugar and fat because they don’t want us to have any fun.  My doctor wants me to eat less brisket and more vegetables.

Plus, it’s Sparky’s birthday.  Maybe.  Animal rescues lie about birthdays, but that’s what is on his paperwork.  Sparky was starting to feel better.  I told him that he was 13 years old today.  That was the wrong thing to say, and he turned sullen.

Now what are you sad about?

“Mr. Moose told me you have to be 16 years old to drive, but I want to drive the truck now.”

Sparky will be okay.  When he goes to bed, he gets to sleep on the couch now, so that will cheer him up.