The DNC explains how to win at life.

This video from the Democratic National Committee promises to “Upgrade Your Life with These Daily Habits”.

Am I a bad person for watching this video?  My stand-by ticket to life has already been upgraded to first class, so it feels a little greedy to clamor for more perks.

I was reading this gratifying NYT article about how The D.N.C. Is in Chaos and Desperate for Cash. The article mentioned how the DNC started this streaming channel on Youtube. The numbers are dreadful. The channel has 118 subscribers and this video has only been viewed 42 times in two weeks.

During the Covid year, many of my colleagues started Youtube channels for their courses. They all had stats that were 10 times better than that and the shop teacher’s numbers were a 1000 times better. A Youtube channel devoted to short videos of Sparky taking a shit, would pull better numbers.

I’m not going to test that theory because Sparky and I value mutual respect and decorum.

The video has great production values.  The lady with the controversial hair on the title slide does not appear at all.  The video reminds me of those short, Deep Thoughts videos from Jack Handey that were played on Saturday Night Life.

The DNC video promises that, “These 10 habits will completely upgrade your life.”  For your convenience, here is the list.

1. Wake up early.  Not at 4 am, just earlier than you normally do.
2. Make your bed.  It’s not about your bed, it’s about momentum.
3. No phone for the first 30 minutes.
4. Journal or mind dump.  Write three things you’re grateful for.
5. Five minutes of silence or meditation.
6. Read one page per day.  Don’t aim for 20 pages, just one.
7. Move your body.  Not for weight loss, for energy, pushups, a walk, stretch, just move it.
8. Listen to positive content while doing chores. Turn your routine into a classroom.
9. Plan your day the night before.  It takes 2 minutes, but it removes 10 time the stress.
10. Get 7 or 8 hours of sleep.  Sleep is your reset button.

The punctuation in the video was unconventional, but the habits are not.  Some of it sounds like Jordan Peterson, but without the intense conviction that could be off-putting to liberal viewers.  Coincidentally, it’s the Peterson, “make your bed”, advice that I object to.

I’m not making my bed.  Not even a little.

An expedient mistake made by freshman backpackers is employ the “visqueen burrito” to keep warm and dry.  Visqueen^TM is a brand of plastic sheeting.  The visqueen burrito is when a backpacker is wrapped or covered by a waterproof barrier like a large trash bag or tarp.  After a few hours of sleep, the backpacker is not warm or dry.

Our bodies generate water vapor. Promptly making your bed traps that moisture between the sheets and blanket.  Some will migrate to the surface and evaporate, but not as much as if the bedding is left where it was shoved when exiting the bed.  That sounds scientifically defensible.

And, I don’t want to make my bed.

The list is fine.  It’s 10 habits, not pro-tips, strategies or advice, and can be condensed to using your mind and your body.  The list of habits may be enlightening to some, but since I already landed in a great seat, my list is more specific.

• When your dog wakes up in the morning, spend a few minutes talking to him.  Don’t dump out your purse full of trauma and insecurities, but ask about him.  Did he have fun yesterday?  What has he got planned for today?  That sort of thing.
• When you take your dog outside, give him some time.  Dogs don’t just piss and poop.  They need to check on the situation, so let them work.
• Take your phone when you take your dog out, but use it only for photos.  No social media. 
• While your dog is working, spend the time to knock out some calisthenics.  Jumping jacks, squat thrusts, burpees, whatever doesn’t require equipment or lying on the ground.   Both of those can distract your dog from his duties.
• After walking your dog, give him a teeth cleaning treat.  He is always hungry, and was rooting around in the yard.  His breath smells bad because he ate a worm, dead mouse or goose shit.
• Don’t journal or mind dump in public.  It’s boring, embarrassing or is awkward for everyone.  If you post on a public forum, put the emphasis on your dog.  He is more interesting and better looking.  Your friends like him better, so bask in his reflected glory.

In fairness to the new DNC Youtube channel, it seems to have only been around for a month.  Still, the numbers are very weak.  The other videos on the channel seem to emphasize Stoic philosophy for the unfamiliar.  If I had to choose from the ancient philosophies, I’d be a Stoic.  It seems like an odd choice of subject for the Democratic National Convention.

I am going to follow this channel to see how it evolves.