Sparky likes to say that old dogs don’t need new tricks, because they’ve got plenty of tricks up their sleeves.

Tonight, Sparky proved it.  It’s game over, man.  I don’t care how clever your dog seems, Sparky has them all beat.  [I’m only counting dogs IRL, not those tricky dogs on Youtube.]

It was like watching Penn and Teller.  You’re looking right at them, and you didn’t even know a trick was happening, much less how it was done.

Sparky pooped on top of a snow ball. 

Dogs leave messages through smells.  Poop is typing in all caps.  Sparky pooped up on top of a snow ball because he’s a boss.

Don’t be dismissive, and consider this to be a futile gesture because the snow ball will melt.  Dogs don’t understand phase change.  That would be missing the point.

I don’t know how he did it and  I was looking right at him.  Sparky and I have a mutual agreement not to watch each other poop, but it looked like he was just standing there.  He was backed up to the snow ball, and what I thought was his tail, wasn’t.  It was evening, but not so dark that a flashlight was needed to walk around.

When he walked away, I realized what happened.  Thinking quickly, I included my boot in the photo for scale.  A short time later, I took the photo at the top for reference.  The top of the snow ball looks to be at the same height or above Sparky’s butt. 

Sparky doesn’t poop haphazardly.  This was intentional and done subtly.  I’m impressed.

Here is an uncensored photo from a different angle.

Sparky is in favor of naps, so likes to hop up and flop over.   I have to hold him up and rub his belly.  If I stop for too long, he gets antsy.

 You’d think a guy would be self-conscious if his breath smelled like his poop, but Sparky thinks it’s funny.  I had a colleague at NoRo who thought it was funny to cut a silent, but deadly fart, then call a student up to his desk for a chat.  It’s fine, he was a coach and the student was one of his players.

I was taking a nap when Sparky thought it would be a good prank to hop up on the couch and blow into my face.  I almost gagged.

I don’t know why Sparky’s breath occasionally smells like poop.  He enjoys goose poop, but we don’t have geese here.  In cold weather, like now, Sparky likes to carry a frozen turd in his teeth like a cigar.  I’ve never gotten a photo, but he looks like this.

Sparky hadn’t gone outside in a couple of hours, drank water and played with Mr. Moose.  How can his breath smell like that?

My theory is that Sparky is a tube.  He can pee or poop whenever he wants.  We’ve gone on a walk, he’s taken a big dump, then if the situation requires it, taken another dump 5 minutes later.  Maybe he can fart out of his mouth.  That’s my theory.

With the snow coming down all day, we’ve been hunkering down.  Sparky didn’t even notice when I went down to the garage for an hour to put the snow tires on.  He was happy to lay by the fire, screw around with Mr. Moose, and help me watch Youtube.

When the wind let up, Sparky would surely be eager to bound through the snow, run off some energy and check on all the outside stuff he has to check on.  When we went out for our walk, Sparky put up a good front, but when I started for the bridge, he ran for the house. 

Sparky wants us to revisit the policy about never pooping in the house.  Even with a Carhartt jacket, going outside to poop in the snow doesn’t seem reasonable. 

To be fair, Sparky is cooperating with the policy, but he isn’t convinced.