Category: Sparky (Page 3 of 16)

Sparky Takes Umbrage – Distractions

This time, I thought Sparky’s argument was really weak, and I had some complaints of my own.

Sparky’s complaint is that sometime when he’s on my lap, I am distracted, looking at the computer, or not petting him or giving him my full attention.

That’s not fair.  “Sparky, I’m doing all the work.  You’re just laying there, not moving, hell, you could be asleep.  You aren’t paying attention at all.”

Sparky says that’s okay, because his eyes aren’t closed and he is like a hundred times cuter than I am, and just showing up is it’s own reward. 

Continue reading

Sparky Takes Umbrage – Patient Zero

Sparky wants to know why I just automatically assume that I got the cold from him.  I have been out to all sorts of places, and he just stays home for no reason.  So I probably got the cold and got Sparky sick.

Sparky felt that there was no reason to not take him to Christmas Eve at Aunt Joanne’s house.  Sparky is certain that she hid more toys for him to find, and now she has to find them all by herself.  Sparky is concerned that there may be more sneaky animals living upstairs, and he should at least try to make friends with them.

He was partially mollified when I told him that guy would be there.  The guy who sits in his seat in my truck, and talks to him like he’s a retard.

Fine, but why couldn’t he visit Spunky on Christmas?  I reminded him that when we visit Uncle Davy, there are never any crumbs on the floor, I would have to pet Spunky and Cooper, and they have those stupid hard chew toys that dogs can’t even eat.  Yeah, fine.

How about Costco?  Sparky doesn’t know what Costco is, but he’s heard about Costco hotdogs and he likes being a hot dog, so what’s the problem?  Why didn’t I take him?  I told him that going to Costco isn’t like going to Tractor Supply.  At Costco, there are many more customers walking around, not paying attention, and they wouldn’t even care if they stepped on a dog.  That’s where Cruella De Vil works.

Sparky admitted it might have been for the best, and I conceded that I might have gotten the cold first.

Sparky generously acknowledged that if we ever got the plague, bird flu, or botflies, he would probably be patient zero.

Sparky Takes Umbrage – Breakfast

Sparky is offended by the assumption that I got my cold from him.

Oh yeah, he finally got about of bed around noon.  That gave me time to consider adapting my cold mitigation protocol for him.

For breakfast, I gave him a can of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup.  It’s the regular chicken soup, the kind you only have when you’re sick.  Not the good, chunky, kind with chicken and dumplings, or broccoli and cheese.

I was going to give him just a half-can, but there is nothing in that stuff, but broth and noodles.  He got the whole can, diluted with water.  Sparky lapped it up with no regrets. 

Don’t give me that bit about there being too much salt for dogs.  Sparky and I don’t go for that new age jibber-jabber.  If I can eat it, then Sparky can too.  It doesn’t go both ways, and that is where Sparky takes umbrage.

Sparky thinks I should at least try goose shit or raccoon tail.  I am unpersuaded.  He says that I don’t value his perspective.

That led to other issues that we had to hash out.

Sparky may have given me his cold.

I don’t even know if that’s possible, but with viruses, something isn’t possible until it happens, or everything is possible all the time.

Bird flu infects animals.

Just days after the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) issued a new order that all raw (unpasteurized) milk must be tested for bird flu, reports have emerged of animals dying of the virus.

In Los Angeles County, the public health department is investigating the deaths of two cats that reportedly consumed recalled raw milk.

After drinking the milk, the felines displayed symptoms that included lack of appetite, fever and neurologic issues, according to a press release from the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health.

That just doesn’t sound plausible.  Cows don’t even like birds.   Haven’t I seen articles about how milk shouldn’t be given to cats?  It’s sounds like fake news so the USDA can hassle people about drinking raw milk.  Isn’t it more likely that the cat ate a sick bird?

In the last couple of days, Sparky has been snorting quite bit.  Not an animal snort, that can mean anything, but a people snort.  The rapid inhale through the nose, while raising the head, to clear the sinuses.

When Sparky snorts, it’s pitiful.  He has to stop, looks down, and aggressively snorts several times.  He can’t keep walking or do anything else when he snorts.  It’s heart-breaking because I want to help, but there’s nothing I can do.

It’s like watching your girlfriend vomit.  You hold her hair and murmur something supportive because the entire situation is humiliating and you’d like to make it less uncomfortable.

Sparky sniffs with reckless abandon.   It’s surprising that he doesn’t suck up more debris and have to sneeze or snort all the time.  He doesn’t.  Most of our friends have never seen him snort.

Yesterday, he was snorting pretty often.  This morning, after he got out of bed, we chatted for a bit, went out for a piss, and he went back to bed.  That’s very unusual.  Typically, he would lay by the wood stove and dog nap.  

So, Sparky and I have a cold.  At least that’s my conclusion.  Sparky won’t mope or complain about it as much as I will.

Sparky doesn’t let me sleep.

I should be at Costco or Planet Fitness right now, but since I usually wake up around 7 am, an early afternoon nap seemed like a good idea.  Being a well-mannered pup, Sparky waits for an invitation to hop up on the couch.  He is far too cute not to be invited up.

Sparky likes helping me take naps, but if I stop petting him for 10 seconds or so, he squirms his way into an alert posture. 

If my eyes are closed, he assumes that I intend to sleep the day away and hops off in search of better opportunities.  If my eyes are open, he stares at me trying to hypnotize me again.  If I start petting him, he reclines back to his adorable lounging posture. 

Sparky sleeps all the time, so I asked why he was being a dick about me falling asleep.  He said that he doesn’t sleep during the day, but takes power naps.  He pointed out that his eyes stay open, which I knew, and he is only 80% asleep.

Sparky said the artist, Salvador Dalí, adapted his dog nap trick when he started taking naps while holding a spoon over a plate sitting on the floor.  He also said that Dalí had the original idea to paint dogs playing poker, but dropped the concept because dogs can’t bluff. 

As usual, I’m not sure what Sparky is talking about.

Sparky’s Christmas present.

It’s a good thing I ordered early.  Sparky would have lost all faith in my judgement.  The pet bed warmer I got for Sparky is completely ineffective.  I’d have better luck keeping Sparky warm by reciting bawdy limericks all night.

It has an Amazon rating of 4 1/2 stars with 7000 votes.  People are idiots or something.  The instructions recommend placing it under a couch cushion all night to test it.  The area gets about as warm as placing your hand under a couch cushion all night.  That isn’t convenient or comfortable, but it also isn’t very effective.  This pad uses 4 Watts of electricity. 

I bought it on reviews, and not the specifications, so my bad.

Instead, I bought him this heating pad that I didn’t know still existed.  It’s a Sunbeam old-style heating pad.  Old-style means that it just has a low-medium-high switch.  My heating pad is the modern variety that turns itself off after some length of time.  That is supposed to be a safety feature that i find very inconvenient.

On high, it uses 50 Watts, and is for when you really need heat.  For Sparky, it goes under the mat cover and is mildly warm on low.  Both pads are made about the same, and cost about $17.

I’m going to get a bigger one for myself, and throw the modern heating pad away.

Sparky and I are thinking about the future.

 

Maybe your brain works better.

When we go for walks, a recurring thought comes to mind.  Sparky likes to lead.  That’s good, his confidence is admirable.  I can’t help thinking how much Sparky, from this angle, resembles the X-ACTO model 1744 electric pencil sharpener I bought for my classroom. 

It’s not like I am ever going to get Sparky stuffed, with an electric pencil sharpener inside.  That’s crazy, right?  Still though, that would be a great pencil sharpener.

Sparky and I have a nice setup, but he thinks stupid, morbid shit all the time too.  When he looks down on the compound, he can’t help thinking about how he’s going to change things when I’m gone.

He wants to put in a creek that goes from the road to the land bridge, with some big rocks and a bunch of drain pipes that go off to the sides.

That’s all to say that Sparky and I are not sentimental, but appreciate the little moments as they come.

If I go first, I hope Sparky gets his creek and doesn’t get his fat ass stuck in a pipe.  If Sparky goes first, he said I can make him into a pencil sharpener if it isn’t too loud, but he wants to chew on the tail if I don’t need it for the pencil sharpener. 

Again, I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about with that last part, but he seems content.

Sparky wants to get a bunny.

I’ve been scanning and organizing old photos.

Sparky was getting bored with the project until we got to these photos from when I was an RA during my senior year at Ohio State.  I and the other new RA’s in the Barrett Complex where the fun group.  Lisa thought it would be a good idea if we got a pet rabbit.  Pets weren’t allowed in the dorm, so it seemed a little subversive.  Only a little because the dorm director and assistant dorm director were also new and in favor of fun.

It didn’t take much for Lisa to convince us.

We named him Travis, and rotated him around our rooms so housekeeping wouldn’t catch on.  He was smart.  Since we were RA’s, our residents came by pretty often.  We trained Travis to run into the bathroom if someone thumped on the floor.  He also did his dirty business in there.

Sparky thinks we should get a bunny.  I’m not so sure. 

« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2025 Big Stick Physics

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑