For the third night in a row, Sparky has slept on the couch. 

Last night, I scattered throw pillows to make the couch seem impossibly high to a furry piglet with too much junk in the trunk.  The house rule is that Sparky can come up onto the couch when invited and there is a bedsheet or blanket.  I removed the bedsheet and wadded it up on the back of the couch.  

He is clearly insubordinate.

The first night he slept on the couch, the bedsheet was on the couch and the little footstool to help him get up, was there, so he could act like I invited him up while I was sleeping in my bed in another room.

The second night, the footstool was gone, so he went to the couch in the solarium, and played the same game.  That couch isn’t as high.

Last night, Sparky ignored all the signs.

As always, I’m trying to get in the head of my beagle to figure out what motivates him.  There is only one change in the environment that seems relevant.  I made Sparky a pillow.

At some point in my life, I bought an IKEA ROSENSKÄRM pillow.  It’s a firm, foam rectangle about half the size of a regular pillow.  Maybe I bought it for the camper. 

Sparky has dog beds all over the place, but he likes to lounge under the computer table when I’m online.  He was lying on cables, with his head resting on the steel tube base of a foot rest.  I know he has a flexible spine, luxurious coat and insulating layer of blubber, but it can’t be comfortable.

I had an extra pillowcase, so I cut it down, hemmed the edges and even added snaps.

It’s nice, right? 

Sparky doesn’t like it.  He will lie down next to the cushion, but not on it.  I’ve seen Sparky look comfortable laying in a shallow dirt hole, resting his head on a cinder block.  Shunning the mini-bed is a sharp rebuke.

Maybe Sparky sees the pillow as a sign that I think he’s too old to be a dangerous hedge ninja, and needs to be made comfortable in his dotage.  Maybe he just doesn’t like snaps.

Conventional wisdom is that I should rail at him in the morning when he’s on the couch, and swat him with a newspaper.  I don’t have a newspaper, and have no idea where to get one.  I could try the airport.  Sparky would enjoy the car ride.  Even when he is being a jerk, he’s too cute to swat.

Okay, that’s what it is.  After Sparky’s heady victory over Rusty, he thinks he has the upper hand.  The mini-bed is seen as pandering or submission.  Sparky is making his move to renegotiate our house rules.

I am so naive.  I wouldn’t think that a cute beagle with a winning smile and rakish wit could be some manipulative, but of course, he’d have to be. 

I have to up my game.  Sparky’s ultimate goal is to drive my truck.  If I allow him to sleep on the couch, then he’s half way there.

Tonight, I am going to scatter some mouse traps amongst the throw pillows.  That won’t hurt him, it’s fine.  Just a shot across his bow.