For decades, every Thanksgiving, one of NPR’s founding mothers, Susan Stamberg, would give her “Mama Stamberg’s Cranberry Relish” recipe.  It wasn’t interesting, but like a batty aunt telling a boring story about the time her husband wore bowling shoes to Christmas mass, she retells the story every year.  Everybody feigns interest, and nobody complains, because it’s your batty aunt, and she’s earned the privilege

Two things have changed since last year.

Susan Stamberg, God rest her soul, passed away about a month ago.  She was 87 years old and had been with NPR for over 50 years.  We thank her for her service.

Last year, I made Mama Stamberg’s Cranberry Relish for Thanksgiving.  I faithfully followed the recipe.  This isn’t my photo, but it looked like this.

It looks pretty good, like cream cheese, whipped cream and cherry pie filling.  The diner expects a fruity dessert masquerading as a fruit salad.  It’s not bad, but it’s not that.

Here are the ingredients:

  • 2 cups whole raw cranberries, washed
  • 1 small onion
  • 3/4 cup sour cream
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 2 tablespoons horseradish from a jar

It’s a condiment. 

The sugar cancels out the cranberries, so that’s pointless.  The sour cream and onion team up to support the horseradish.  The result is a horsey sauce.   Nothing wrong with horsey sauce, Arby’s has been flogging that for years.  It’s the annoying deception.

The diner takes a big scoop because it looks tasty, but learns that a teaspoon was enough.  The diner is left with a mashed potato sized blob of horsey sauce.  It’s awkward.

The recipe makes 3 cups of horsey sauce.  By my reckoning, that is 144 servings. 

I dumped the leftover pint of Mama’s Stamberg’s horsey sauce in the woods.  It wasn’t devoured by scavengers, but weathered like that NASA ice cream that astronauts eat.

Fine.  I don’t begrudge Susan Stamberg using the public broadcasting system like a batty aunt uses a family gathering.  She wanted to leave some foot prints on our culture, and she didn’t do any damage.  We call that ‘privileges of rank’.  Lord knows as a teacher, I spent plenty of time pontificating like a batty uncle to my captive audience.

The difference is that when I retired, I didn’t stick around to protect my legacy.  I changed my classroom website to this blog.  I can batty-uncle all I want, and nobody is a captive audience.

I listen to NPR as a soporific.  If I wake up too early, my brain wants to get started, rather than go back to sleep.  Something about the bland topics and delivery on NPR lulls me back to a deep sleep.  I can only half-remember anything that is said.

Today is Thanksgiving.  This morning, I heard that Susan Stamberg’s niece is going to continue the “Mama Stamberg’s Cranberry Relish” recipe broadcast tradition.  Let it die.  No advantage comes to future generations to hear how to make horsey sauce.   No long-time listeners are going to miss it.  Anyone who wants to try it, has already made it.  Or we can all just forget about it.