My algorithm needs an upgrade.

An algorithm used to have a specific meaning related to software programming.

This is back in the 1980’s, when Caterpillar had a press conference to introduce a revolutionary new self-guided robot.  At that time, an algorithm was a normal-human description of what a program or app was supposed to do.

For instance, with my home automation, an algorithm might be, “If the patio door is unlocked and it’s after sunset and before sunrise, turn on the back yard lights.”

A programmer could re-write the algorithm as a computer program or app.  Now, AI can write the software based on an algorithm, and get it pretty close to correct.  

Today, an algorithm means a hidden function that analyzes your habits and interests to decide what to show next to keep you keep your interest or to attract your attention.

Social media, Amazon, Youtube, news feeds and many other sites have something they want you to see.  They shape how you see the world.  It’s healthy to be conscious of sites feeding you news, and it’s worth taking the time to seek other sources.

For about a week,  a chest cold has sapped my energy and gumption, so I’ve spent a lot of time browsing the internet.  What I consider “my algorithm” is the sites I routinely visit to stay informed.

Real Clear Politics is one I like because it provides a couple of dozen substantive articles from other sites to provide a variety of perspectives.  That doesn’t work anymore.  When I see who wrote it or where it’s from, I don’t have to read the article.  Either “Trump is the devil, and is trying to take over Minnesota” or “Minnesota is going to hell, and Trump should take it over.”

We used to talk about other stuff.  Now, all news is politics, and all politics is about Trump.

For non-political topics, RCP often posts articles from Inside Hook about cultural and leisure trends.  That seems like it would be just the ticket, but the articles just aren’t very good.

This article caught my attention.

Inside Hook: What Are “Fan Edits,” and Why Is Gen Z Obsessed With Them?

I want to know what has Gen Z obsessed.  There are good TV shows, but so many dreadfully bad ones, like Star Fleet Academy.  I like Youtube, so fan edits could be better than the actual TV show.  Who makes fan edits?  How?  Why?

Like everyone else in the universe, I’ve been bit by the Heated Rivalry bug. It’s consumed my every waking thought, and I’m not mad about it.  It’s the only topic of discussion existing on my social media feeds.

I have never heard of the Heated Rivalry TV show.  I actively look for new TV shows, but when someone makes a recommendation, it’s usually news to me.  There are hundreds of new TV shows coming out all over the place, so no new show is talked about by “everyone else in the universe”.

Everyone is in a bubble.

The author is either so naive that she doesn’t know about her bubble, or wanted to subvert expectations by undermining her credibility in the opening paragraph.

“That’s a bold strategy Cotton.  Let’s see if it pays off for ’em.”

This movie quote meme that is very familiar to everyone in the universe applies to her subversion of expectations.1

The author admits that some people are lagging:

If you’re not familiar with what Heated Rivalry is, here’s a quick recap. It’s a six-episode television series …  all about different queer ice hockey romances, focusing on male-male relationships.  Montreal Metros player Shane Hollander and his rival, Boston Raiders player Ilya Rozanov, endure a secret — and spicy! — love affair while competing against each other professionally, ultimately enduring an enemies-to-lovers relationship that’s quite addicting, to say the least.

What’s the point of this article?

Heated Rivalry is homoerotic steamy romance that appeals to a very small audience.  On IMDB,  Brett Cooper says that watching gay porn is the new SJW fetish, so maybe it’s only a small audience.2

I thought the new SJW fetish was trying to get injured by ICE agents, or threatening people online in an attempt to get a visit from the FBI.

If the fan edit is a newsworthy concept, why not choose a show that has a broader appeal?  The show doesn’t mention any other shows, but makes it sound like fan edits of Heated Rivalry is just a trend in the gay sub-culture.

FYI, a fan edit is a series of clips from a TV show set to a song.  It’s short and posted on TikTok.  No idea why the song’s copyright isn’t an issue.

The article seems to be an effort to normalize gay porn, and shame trendy people into getting on board.

I still need to find some websites that feature non-political, no-agenda articles about popular culture.  No wonder I can’t stay informed.

1 Is from the movie Dodgeball.

2 Now my IMDB algorithm is fucked.   IMDB needs a tag for “homo romance” or however they’d like to phrase it.  Or can I get a trigger warning for “homo romance”?  Somebody recommends a movie or TV show, I look it up on IMDB, it sounds interesting, the poster photo is ambiguous, but nobody mentions it’s a “homo romance”. 

I’m not homophobic in the ‘unreasonable fear of homos’ sense.  I’m not interested.  It’s unappealing to me.  Olives are unappealing to me.  I don’t have an unreasonable fear of olives, but don’t want to be surprised by them on my pizza.

This applies to lesbian romance as well.  It’s never the lesbians you’d want to see.  It’s always the lumberjack lesbians.  Like these two from Star Fleet Academy:

That would be like a rhinoceros in rut with a hippopotamus.  How long will they wait before an episode features that holodeck scenario? 

Somewhere on the dry savanna, through an unlikely series of events, a hippo is separated from the water and her supportive herd.  As she ambles along on her fat, stumpy legs, she is losing hope.  She moves toward a cluster of boulders where she may lay down for the long sleep in an isolated spot that won’t inconvenience anyone.  Women have to be considerate.

She glimpses a small mud hole, fed from a spring.  She locks eyes with a single, wallowing rhino.  They understand each other, with a woman’s way of knowing.  That’s the last thing she sees before the wavering collapse.  

She becomes dimly aware of a soft caress and cool mud.  She smiles.  Is she dead?  Is this hippo heaven?  She feels a gentle nudge in her nethers.  She wants to be standing for whatever happens next.  As she gets up on her four, flabby and dimpled legs, another nudge.  The tingle surprises her.  She is semi-conscious, as if in a dream.  Will this happen again?  Please!

No.  Nothing happens.  Can’t stand here forever, so maybe taking a couple of steps will do some good.  IT DOES!

A rhythm develops.  Bump-tingle-step-step-wait. bump-tingle-step-step-wait.  She become fully conscious, but distracted.  The mud hole is near, but where is the rhino?  TINGLE!

No point in changing the algorithm.  Keep sleepwalking.  Keep the rhythm.

After a tingle-collapse into the mud hole, she doesn’t know if she’s alive or pregnant.  She needs to thank the rhino, but she doesn’t know the language.  She has no horn to return the bump-tingle, but she’s got a fat-ass tongue and a firm, smooth snout.  Love will find a way.

Okay, that narrative got away from me a little bit.  Just ‘cuz I can write it, doesn’t mean I want to watch it.

I just need to update my own algorithm to check other websites with general interest topics that aren’t trying to get me to embrace any lifestyle or political agenda.

Also, that photo at the top is a Grok-generated image to illustrate a pun on algorithm.  I don’t know that Al Gore is musically inclined.