This is how Sparky sees himself when he’s got a frozen turd in his mouth.

This is what it’s really like.

Sparky has a predilection for carrying frozen turds around in his mouth.  At first, he wasn’t shy about it because he thought it was funny.  I thought he was trying to look like a gangster.  My sister reminded me of Triumph the Insult Dog.  That’s what Sparky looked like.

I don’t know how Sparky lived before he moved in here, but I don’t want fresh or frozen turds in my house.  Sparky adapted by being sneaky.  With his ground-snuffling instinct and his floppy ears, it wasn’t easy to tell if he had a frozen turd in this mouth.

Imagine carrying a Cheeto in your mouth, without biting it.  Sparky would do it like that.

Now, if Sparky spends too much time sniffing and pawing at the ground, I have to check his mouth like I’m processing a new prisoner.   When I catch him, he drops the contraband, but isn’t contrite.

“Yeah, that’s mine.  What are you going to do about it?”

I’m going to let you in, then pitch your shit into the woods.

My sister used AI to generate that picture of Sparky.  He looks so good in a smoking jacket, here’s the whole thing.

Ren Hoek used to wear a smoking jacket with a fez.  I know Sparky could pull off that look.