I’m not good at sleeping in, so early this morning, I moved out to the couch.  Sparky came over to stand guard.

I thanked him for his service. 

Sparky is so vigilant.  I suggested that maybe the windows and doors would be enough to keep the chipmunks from invading.

Sparky gave me the side-eye, and told me to fuck off and go back to sleep. 

“You think it’s so easy.  How would you like it if I let up for a minute, and those squirrels ran in here, took your nuts, and ran up a tree.”

That doesn’t sound good at all, but simmer down, man.  Relax.

“I relaxed once, and my nuts are gone.  That isn’t happening again.”

Wait, what are we talking about?  You don’t like peanuts or cashews.  Are we talking about your testicles?  They did that at the orphanage, before I brought you home.  Those are long gone, baby.

“Yeah, I know.  I don’t even remember why I liked having them.”