WSJ:  Why Every Family Needs a Code Word

WSJ:  Why Every Family Needs a Code Word

If you receive a call from someone who sounds just like your grandson and says he needs money or a gift card, the best thing to do is hang up and call your grandson. But if the voice is so convincing that you can’t bear to do that, ask for your family code word.

This happened to my mother.  She got a call from somebody who identified himself as her grandson, and needed money to get out of jail.  The same thing has happened to the elderly parents of several of my friends.

My mom has over a dozen grandchildren, so she guessed which one.  The caller confirmed that was him, but that he was pretty banged up and was afraid.  He needed a couple of hundred bucks to get out of a jam.

Fortunately, my mom could be a salty woman.  She suggested that her grandson call his mother to get the money, and hung up.

This happened before AI could mimic voices and before social media provided all the sound samples and background history necessary to generate a convincing story.

It sounds crazy that normal people need spycraft to protect themselves, but we have always needed to take precautions against plausible threats.

My grandmother used to pin a little money in her petticoat to keep it safe.  I don’t know what a petticoat is or what she pinned it to, but I thought that’s why it was called ‘pin money’.  I might not understand the whole concept.  My grandmother and foundation garments still makes me uncomfortable.

Back when girls wore penny loafers, an eligible girl was supposed to put dimes in her penny loafers for a pay phone if the date didn’t go well.

The guy would see dimes in the penny loafers, and realize that his date had options if he got too fresh or handsy.

My South Carolina girlfriend Wanda, told me the advice her mother gave her when she went off to college.  Here’s a photo of Wanda in my shitty Clemson apartment.

“Before a date, rub a little chicken grease behind your ears.  If your date starts getting randy, he will smell the chicken and get distracted by the hunger.  Make him a sandwich to break the mood.”

Girls used to be so fun, but I may be getting off track.

Technology is changing rapidly and the culture has not kept up.  Mimicking someone’s speech used to be a laborious process of clipping and splicing audio tape.  Now it can be done in real time using technology that is readily available.  Tools for covert surveillance like GPS trackers and concealed cameras are consumer items. 

Back in the day, broadcast TV would occasionally air public service announcements about installing smoke detectors in your home or having a family rally point after a disaster.  Maybe those still exist, but I haven’t watched broadcast TV in decades. 

Corporate media focuses on existential threats that you can’t do anything about.  Climate change, political instability, weapons of mass destruction, or whatever.  It’s always something.

You have to protect yourself and your family.  Nobody is going to tell you what to do, and even legit companies have an interest in keeping your guard down.  It takes effort to buck the trend and mitigate your risks.

Social media is a gold mine of personal information.  Use it if you want, but understand that everyone in the world has access.  Your voice and image can get simulated, so protect against that possibility.  Be mindful about what information gets posted by or about you.

Notice that this little blog, read by less than a tenth of the friends I have on Facebook, only gets certain information.  Friends and family aren’t identified by full names, and first names are used sparingly.  I don’t mention travel plans and only post about a trip after I return. 

Having a family code word makes sense.  I don’t know if that would have worked with my mom, since she tended to object to formal plans.  We could have addressed her by something other than “grandma”.  If everyone in the family called her “Miss Tessie” or something not bog standard, she would have noticed the difference.

Memorize a couple of phone numbers for reliable friends or family.  Dial the number when you call those people so it’s hammered into your brain.  Your phone may not be available.

When an online account asks for a backup word for account security, like “What elementary school did you attend?”, it’s okay to use a different word.  Just keep track of what word you used in case you need it.

Have strong, unique passwords for important accounts and don’t let your phone or browser remember the password.  Sensitive databases are breached all the time.

Totally random passwords are great, but hard to remember.  Try a password phrase that seems kind of random.  Misheard song lyrics are memorable, like “we built this city on sausage rolls” instead of “we built this city on rock and roll”.  Jam the words together, or separate with a symbol, substitute ‘@’ for ‘a’, ‘$’ for ‘s’, capitalize the last letter, whatever.

It makes me nuts in a movie when they have to guess the password.  It’s always his wife’s birthday, kid’s name or favorite baseball team.  Oh, maybe it’s that one shortstop he always talks about.  Sparky is my dog, not my password for anything. 

My preference is to never save the important password anywhere, but write it on a piece of paper, and secure it somewhere convenient.  To get it, the criminal would have to be local.  That eliminates the threat from 8.2 billion people.  Then consider your situation.  A small safe costs less than a hundred bucks.  The paper doesn’t need to be in the house.  It could be in a book, DVD case, or rolled up in a shoe.

Change the important passwords occasionally.  Get your credit card company to issue a different credit card number every few years.  Get the two-factor authentication on the important accounts.

All of these things are a pain-in-the-ass and take time and effort.  Some people will think you worry too much.  Whatever, it’s your life, so think about how to run it.