Men bond over shared objectives, women don’t work the same way.  This video is optimistic and persuasive because 5 out of 6 participants are men, and the woman seemed pretty masculine.

The video has a useful message for people who understand that boys are not broken girls.

Public education is a matriarchy, with many smart and well-meaning people having the vague sense that it would all work better if boys were more like girls.

Early in my career at North Royalton, I had a colleague who was a smart and well-meaning progressive.  She was a talented teacher, but accepted many crazy ideas.  Back then, her and I could have friendly conversations about Barack Obama’s presidential campaign.

This progressive powerhouse (PP) was promoting the homeroom concept at North Royalton.  The idea was that each teacher would have a group of students for homeroom that met regularly.  It might be daily, weekly or monthly.  The teacher would have the same group for all four years of high school.

PP explained that students would be less likely to fall through the cracks or feel isolated if they could bond with one adult over their four years.  Students would form friendships with a wider range of peers because, unlike academic courses, homeroom would not sort by ability and interest.

I agreed with PP that her homeroom would function exactly like that.  I asked PP to imagine that we have a diverse staff, and not everyone is like her. 

My homeroom would be a group of kids who come in, sit down, do whatever task that I’m told to assign, then leave with no authentic relationship building.  It would make the school look weak and ineffective and increase student disillusionment.

Students usually have 6 classes, with at least 4 of them being year-long.  If a student makes no connection with any of their teachers, sitting in a room with a bunch of strangers is not going to bump the needle.

I endorse the goal, but the homeroom concept makes me, and us, look stupid.

Being a uniter, not a divider, I suggested a homeroom structure.

Freshman Year

  • Negotiate with upperclassmen homerooms to trade labor for supplies.  This transfers skills and provided management training for upperclassmen.
  • Using poles and animal hides, build a homeroom lean-to or other expedient shelter.
  • Plant trees in a homeroom plot.
  • Split firewood for this year and next.

Yeah, they are going to shiver in the rain until they build the shelter, but shared discomfort is a legitimate motivator.

Sophomore Year

  • Tend the tree plot.
  • Plan and build a more comfortable structure like a yurt or wickiup.
  • Fell trees for lodgepoles or firewood.
  • Raise a small herd of bison, cows, goats, sheep, doesn’t matter, just something.

Junior Year

  • Tend the tree plot and herd.
  • Butcher animals for the seniors.
  • Tan hides for the freshman.

Senior Year

  • Manage the freshman.
  • Cull the herd.
  • Learn advanced skills.
  • Host a barbeque.

My main goal was for North Royalton to get a herd of bison, but that was never going to happen.  I didn’t think my program through completely, and it was mostly facetious, but the main idea was to have a shared objective for the homeroom group that benefits their group in a wholesome way.

North Royalton did implement a half-assed version of the homeroom concept without calling it that or explaining the intent.   Once per quarter, pairs of teachers would meet with homeroom students to conduct an activity devised by a group of unemployable retards1 from an education consulting firm.

I was paired with an effeminate band director who I’d never met.  At a high school, the band is it’s own organization within the larger organization.  It’s kind of like the cafeteria staff.  They are present, but isolated.

He and I didn’t have teacher stuff in common, and we probably wouldn’t have agreed on political or cultural issues.  He was gay, but like that Heineken video, we agreed on the pertinent issues.  I have fond memories of our shared homeroom community.

He understood that the homeroom concept and the related activities were irrelevant bullshit.  Since we met in my room, he followed my lead.  We would pass out whatever materials were in the activity packet, then he and I would chat.  We’d ignore the students, and they’d ignore us.

When the classroom door was opened by an administrator coming by to verify that we were complying with their social marxism, I’d act as if we were half-way through the discussion topic mandated by the collective.  The students caught on, and played the game well.

It’s important for young people to think for themselves, and choose quiet subversion when that’s the tactical solution.

1 Unemployable retards are a group completely distinct from employable retards who bag groceries at Giant Eagle or have other jobs that correspond with their interests and abilities.  By unanimous agreement, ‘retards’ refers to the unemployable kind.  The other kind, the ones who act like happy drunks and are doing the best they can, aren’t called ‘retards’ because everybody likes them.