Stressed? Burned out? Lonely? Dealing with a breakup? Conflict with a co-worker? Feeling down? The blanket recommendation for anyone going through a rough patch these days is to seek professional help, and many struggling Americans are doing just that.
First, underlying the blanket recommendations for therapy is the belief that stress of any kind is harmful. This line of thinking fails to recognize the growth that often accompanies challenging experiences.
We accept that physical stress brings physical growth. Any workout routine must be stressful to accomplish any results. We lift heavy weights to make lifting lighter weights easier. As a teacher, I know that the stress of assessments and difficult concepts improves the student’s ability to handle stress and learn more difficult concepts. Successful people come to appreciate the stress for the growth it brings.
Second, the therapy-is-the-answer model assumes that all therapy is beneficial. In fact, there is evidence that rehashing what is bothering you can actually worsen symptoms of anxiety and depression.
A trainer or teacher can get it wrong by applying the wrong kind of stress or stressing in a way that isn’t productive. Therapists want to help, but sometimes, the best thing is to work through shit on your own.
Even after a major life event, inviting people to talk about their feelings isn’t always helpful.
My hardest year ever, Dad passed away, then 9/11 happened, then Mom had a heart attack, then my oldest brother died in a plane crash.
When Chris died, I emailed my principal to tell her that I’d be out for a week. I had no sub plans, and honestly, have no idea what my students did that week. I also emailed a newspaper clipping describing the crash, and told the principal that when I got back to work, I’d prefer to not talk to people about what happened and how I was doing. My colleagues were warm and caring people, and I know that they would be concerned and want to help, but I couldn’t bear it. Carol was about the best principal ever, and I knew that she would take care of everything.
For me, getting back to work was the best thing. I learned that from handling the minor traumas that everyone faces.
A third limitation of the therapy-is-the-answer model is that it doesn’t take into account many other factors that contribute to well-being.
Smaller traumas help a person learn how to handle bigger traumas. Cowboy up, power through, get back on that horse, all that sort of thing. When I’m feeling down, painting something helps. Ongoing projects keep me emotionally healthy. Joe Rogan, on his podcast, frequently mentions that he needs to workout hard to keep sane. My buddy Sean knows that he is at his best when he is busy, on the verge of being overwhelmed. You don’t learn that by sitting down with a therapist and rehashing a bunch of unresolved feelings from awkward situations.
Sure, some people need therapy, but many people just need to get on with life and soldier on.